From the Couch:
A Unilegged Perspective
Vol. 6


FINALLY A USE FOR AN ENGLISH MAJOR

Notice that it is "a use" but "an English?" I never understood this rule, but one of the "From the Couch" faithful did and explained it to me…
‘It really should be "A Unilegged Perspective," because the article a/an depends on the phonetic pronunciation of the following noun. In this case, the word "Unilegged" has a "y" sound in the beginning, which is of course a consonant in this case.’
Many thanks to our English Major fans. I guess the fours years and thousands of dollars finally paid off!


THERAPY ROCKS

Therapy is fantastic. For every bad thing I have said about medicine before, I could say two good things about therapy. Tomorrow will be my third session (of 20 prescribed) and already my mobility has doubled! My initial imagery of tears streaming down my face as I am struggling to walk with a large black man behind me yelling "C’mon boy! You gonna walk!!" turned out to be slightly incorrect. Instead a nice young woman named Nicole (who looks a little bit like Courtney Cox) presses and pulls at my ankle and then makes me do some flexibility exercises. I feel she is actually concerned with my recovery and does not slam my foot around. Today I walked at the parallel bars and could finally take a normal step with both feet. I still need more range to walk without support, but even Nicole was amazed at how fast I have progressed. I can not wait for therapy tomorrow.


OUT AND ABOUT

I have been off the couch a lot more lately. I have even ventured outside the apartment complex. I went to Sushi with my work friends, out to dinner with Nina and to the video store (5 blocks away!). An interesting phenomenon has occurred. Often on the couch, I would feel alone in my misery, but now that I am walking around I keep bumping into people who have experienced the same thing. At the restaurant the Maitre De started telling me his accident. He was laid up for 8 months. He had 3 surgeries, a metal plate and seven screws. It started in a drunken fight and the other guy broke his Fibula. I broke both Tibia and Fibula, yet I am already up and about. Suddenly I am feeling very lucky. Nina and I also bumped into a crazy 62 year old lady named Margaret who needs both knees replaced. She talked incessantly with advice ranging from always squeeze an orange slice into your water to get calcium from grilled Munster cheese that I should buy at Food Emporium. She said that she would pray for me. So you see my friends, I have joined a very exclusive club that usually only admits drunken waiters and religious nuts.


MAILBAG (a.k.a Jeff’s Mail)

In response to my complaints about doctors, one upbeat reader writes:

‘Doctors don't suck, people suck. We are a virus and should be exterminated. Except for a tiny bit which should be frozen and kept in a little petri dish. Just in case there is another outbreak of the human virus, you know, some kind of genetic mutation.’

That really cheered me up. It’s always nice to hear from someone more depressed than you are.

Hi Ho!!
Jeff